Two weeks ago I wrote a blog concerning statistics and what students in middle school understand about bullying. Despite having classroom guidance lessons since kindergarten, the students I surveyed in a middle school had limited understanding of what bullying was and how to help stamp it out. None of the students had attended an elementary or middle school with a comprehensive bullying prevention program.
The survey I conducted in elementary school was done with fourth grade students. The Kids Helping Kids Questionnaire (The Ophelia Project, 2006) was administered to 141 students in the fall of 2011. There are eleven questions and each question has the possibility of three answers: disagree, not sure, or agree.
From their answers to these questions, I would decide how to proceed with my guidance lessons for the remainder of the school year. I generally do three to five lessons during the year on bullying and problem solving, peer relationships and the like. I work empathy and cooperation into all lessons I teach. The elementary school has a school-wide behavior program which encourages and rewards good behavior. The principal is very firm about disciplining students involved in bullying, but there is no school-wide bullying prevention program. The students are taught to use a decision making model to assist them in making the right choice. The only prevention is the classroom guidance lessons and any follow up the teachers provided. I was interested in seeing how this system was working for the students.
The questions and results were as follows:
1. Excluding others, spreading rumors, leaving someone out on purpose are all examples of relational aggression.
Disagree (58) Not Sure (45) Agree (36)
It was clear from their answers to this question that most of the students were not familiar with the term relational aggression.
2. It is OK to leave others out of talk about kids behind their backs if they deserve it.
Disagree (124) Not Sure (5) Agree (2)
Good news! Most students knew this was not the correct thing to do.
3. It is important to share my feelings with the person who has hurt me.
Disagree (37) Not Sure (32) Agree (61)
The students were quite split on this answer. As they later explained, although the decision making model used by the school instructs kids to discuss a situation with someone they are having a conflict with, they are afraid of being hurt worse if they approach the person and are therefore frightened to do so.
4. Kids who ask adults or older kids to help if someone is hurting them are babies.
Disagree (86) Not Sure (22) Agree (22)
A majority of the students believed it was OK to get help when someone is bullying, but our culture still has many students either unsure or convinced that you are a “baby” or a “tattle-tale” if you get help with bullying.
5. It is not my responsibility to help others kids if I am not involved.
Disagree (87) Not Sure (18) Agree (25)
A clear majority of student do feel it is their responsibility to help their classmates even if they are not directly involved in the situation.
6. If I just ignore someone who is hurting my feelings, he/she will eventually go away.
Disagree (14) Not Sure (29) Agree (87)
The majority of students answered this question the same way kids have answered it for decades. This is what parents and teachers have been telling students for a very long time. When I asked the students about this question later, they all unanimously agreed…..it does not work to ignore a bully.
7. People act in mean ways because they don’t feel good about themselves.
Disagree (22) Not Sure (60) Agree (47)
This again, the kids later explained, came from parents and other adults who tried to explain away why bullies do what they do. They themselves did not believe it.
8. It is tattling to tell on a kid who is hurting someone else (for example, making fun of them and/or leaving them out).
Disagree (75) Not Sure (26) Agree (24)
Although most of the students do seem to realize that getting help in a situation is a good thing, there are still quite a few students who either are unsure of what to do or still believe that it is tattling.
9. If a kid hurts you, it is OK to try and get back at them and hurt them.
Disagree (120) Not Sure (6) Agree (4)
The only students who did not disagree with this explained that their dads have told them that it is OK to hit people and “defend” themselves.
10. People who are often the target (for example, of name calling, exclusion) may hurt for a short time, but they will get over it soon.
Disagree (33) Not Sure (57) Agree (40)
The kids were all over the map with this one. They had no idea what to think. We discussed this in all the classes for quite some time. They, for the most part, thought in the end that it made sense that this could hurt for a very long time.
11. When a friend or classmate has done something that you do not like, you should tell them how you feel.
Disagree (17) Not Sure (30) Agree (83)
The reason the majority of kids answered “agree” to this is because they have been taught through the decision making model to tell the person to “stop”. The students who disagreed or were not sure were afraid to say anything to the aggressor. Through a discussion, the students learned that until the person has been told to stop, and repeats it anyway, it cannot be considered bullying. The person must be intentionally doing things repeatedly in order to upset their victim.
I now knew what work I had lying ahead of me for the remainder of the year. The behavior program and decision making model gave the students an important step towards understanding bullying and the prevention of bullying in their school community, but there were significant gaps in their knowledge base I now needed to get to work on.
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I removed my daughter from a private school for being bullied in much
What Do Elementary Kids Believe About Bullying?
Hi MaryAnn, I agree with you. Although I don't agree with physical for
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Great article, Maryann (as usual). One question: it seems that most kids in the survey answered the right way. Do you see that they also acted the right way in real-world situations?
MaryAnn
Most of the students do, yes. I have one class however that is still struggling with knowing what to do and following through…probably a future blog in it.
Karen Donahue
Very good information. I work in two elementary schools as the SSW, K-4. We have developed a bully prevention program that includes a monthly focus and gathering by all students. I was very interested in the questionnaire that you used.
MaryAnn
Thank you so much Karen. You can obtain the Kids Helping Kids guide from The Ophelia Project.
Laura White
Hi- I am actually trying to find the statistics on school bullying for a school paper. I am very aware of this as a problem and am trying to create a better awareness.
Although I must admit I am confused as to why it is not ok for a child to defend themselves? I am one of those parents that has told my child it is forbidden to bully another child but do not put up with it either.
We have tried the route of going to the teacher then to the principal. Neither of which worked, I finally told my child I guess you will have to stand up to him and let him know you are not going to be treated like this. The other child was taking his stuff, walking on the back of his shoes, pulling on his back pack, jabbing a notebook into his back amongst other things.
My child finally turned around and punched the other kid one day last year and we have never had a problem with him since. I got a call from the school, I simply told them you did nothing to help my child, if anything you made the situation worse. It should be resolved now. I am sure that same kid still picks on other kids, but I am relieved to know that mine is safe from him.
I hope that doesn’t sound too selfish but what else is there to do? I thought about confronting the kid’s mother, but one of the teachers I spoke with said the mother had come in screaming and cursing and threatening her on more than one occasion. Sadly, this confirms where the other child’s bad behaviors were coming from. My other question, why don’t the schools do anything about these situations?
Thank You for your feedback.
MaryAnn
It’s unfortunate that your child was not helped by the school. I have a feeling the school personnel may have been intimidated by the parent from your description of her. Fighting back physically is something I never advocate even if you are ok with your child being the one punished for the action. Victims, unfortunately, can sometimes resort to violence themselves in their quest for a way to get away from the bully. The problem is that now they have learned to use violence to solve problems and more than one victim has become the bully by striking back. Too often these are the kids who continue to use violence and become the bully. Unfortunately, many schools fail to act appropriately and leave children no option, which perpetuates the bullying problem. The difference being, the other parents child will never be punished or learn and your child will. Some of this country’s school shootings have been traced back to victims who became comfortable with violence because no one stepped in. When I speak with parents who say the teacher and principal won’t do anything to help, I always remind them that even the principal has a boss…call them.
Sherry
Hi MaryAnn, I agree with you. Although I don’t agree with physical force the child isn’t left with any other option when they’re being physically harassed on a daily basis and there’s no one there to help them. Words won’t work with a child that clearly only understands physical force.
My daughter was being bullied on her school bus for the entire year of grade one. She just started grade 2 this year and for the first 2 weeks this girl who is a year older and twice her size was forcing herself in the seat next to my daughter and eating all her food in the mornings as well as calling her names and pushing and shoving her. I complained last year to the driver and asked to have them sit separately. The driver informed me that they get along great and my daughter moves to sit with her and they like to share food. This wasn’t true as I discovered this year. This is a private school where the children wear uniforms and a week into the school year this girl switched coats with my daughter. This happens quite often as the clothes are identical however the following day when my daughter gave her coat back she was told by the girls little sister that they “threw her coat in the garbage at home”. It was after this that my daughter began sharing everything that was happening to her on the bus. She told me this child has her younger sister sit in another seat so she could sit next to my daughter and eat ALL her food. That she pushes and shoves, calls names and is basically a bully. She told me when she tried to eat food like a peeled banana it was snatched from her hands and consumed by this large girl in seconds. I contacted the principle who attempted to minimize the problem by saying that they are seen playing and laughing together at school . I had to demand in a letter and over the phone several times that my daugher not be seated next to her. She even started wetting her bed after school started which is highly unusual for her. As well, she has been sent to the nurses with headaches at 2:30 three times since school started which would lead any mother to beleive that their child is anticipating with great anxiety the bus ride home. We pay $1,800 a year for the bus alone. Her coat is around $200. The school claimed they were looking everywhere for it. My daughter went into the primary building alone one morning about a week after this girl took it and found it in her little sisters cubby… She’s in kindergarten. The school’s solution was to replace the coat however a few days went by until my daughter found her own coat. In speaking over the phone with her principle I heard compassion for the other child…. ( how she may need help for her problems). Sure she does but what about my child. My child who is the victim and even though they are finally separated on the bus is still anxious and upset about enduring the ride home and seeing this child at school. I also found that their was a serious lack of cooperation with the school as well as the mother. When a 7 year old’s problem solving skills are superior to the professionals at a private school where good money is paid its a pathetic thing. I also learned from my daughter that this child’s mother approached her at school to say, “we looked everywhere for your coat but couldn’t find it.” This infuriated me. The only thing she should be saying to my child is “I found your coat, here’s a new coat or we’re still looking and we’re very sorry.” Someone else’s poor parenting skills should not affect the children of those of us that are doing our best to instil good moral values in ours. It seems to me that this is a problem across the board, public and private schools. This kid was sneaky and did things when the driver was busy driving and could not see. At a private school the social structure is slightly different . The children in my daughters class will likely know one another for life as do the parents. My problem was only dealt with because I posted it to my status on Facebook causing a few mothers to begin communicating the issue amongst themselves and into the office. Expelling a bully with a sibling that goes to the same school is unlikely since there is money at stake and the school wants to keep that money coming. I’m disgusted at the lack of discipline with this bully. Neither the school or the mother have asked this child to apologize for her terrible behavior and the problems she has caused in my daughters life.
MaryAnn
I removed my daughter from a private school for being bullied in much the same way. I was also bullied at a Catholic school. By and large, I have found public schools much more responsive and they don’t have to worry about tuition. My daughter also received a much better education in the public system. I would not send her back to be bullied. I would also contact an attorney. Good Luck!